From Selfless to Self-YES: Breaking Free from the People-Pleasing Cycle (Especially During the Holidays)
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… or so the song goes. But for many of us, the holiday season feels more like a never-ending to-do list than a joyful celebration. There are gifts to buy, meals to prepare, events to attend—and let’s not forget the constant requests for help that come rolling in.
If you’re someone who struggles with people-pleasing, the holidays can amplify the pressure to say “yes” to everything. Believe me, I understand. For most of my life, I said yes to everything, even when it left me drained and disconnected from myself. I didn’t want to let anyone down. I thought if I said no, people would think I didn’t care or, worse, that they’d stop valuing me.
But here’s the thing I’ve learned: saying yes to everyone else while ignoring your own needs doesn’t make the season brighter for anyone, especially not for you. Breaking free from people-pleasing is hard work, but it’s also the most liberating gift you can give yourself—and the holidays are the perfect time to start.
My People-Pleasing Journey
For years, I lived my life as a chameleon, constantly adapting to what I thought others wanted from me. I agreed to things I didn’t enjoy, participated in events I didn’t want to attend, and exhausted myself trying to make everyone happy. Over time, I lost touch with what I truly wanted and who I really was.
The holidays were especially hard. I felt obligated to say yes to every request—to host, to bake, to shop, to show up—and I told myself it was just part of being a good daughter, wife, and friend. But deep down, I felt depleted, resentful, and disconnected. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was only giving pieces of myself away until there was nothing left.
It wasn’t until I started prioritizing myself—my own needs, my own voice—that I realized how much I had been sacrificing in the name of people-pleasing. And that’s when everything started to change.
How to Break Free (Even During the Holidays)
Breaking the people-pleasing cycle, especially during the holidays, isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. Here’s how I started to shift from selfless to self-YES, and how you can too:
Get Clear on What Matters Most
The first step for me was getting honest about what the holidays meant to me. Was it really about making everyone else happy, or could I choose to focus on what brought me joy? For you, this might mean reflecting on your values and deciding what traditions or activities truly matter to your heart.Set Boundaries with Compassion
Saying no was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn, but also one of the most freeing. I began practicing gentle ways to say no, like, “I’d love to help, but I can’t take that on right now,” or, “Thank you for asking, but I need to prioritize other commitments.” It felt awkward at first, but with time, it became empowering.Prioritize Self-Care as Essential
I used to think self-care was selfish, but I’ve come to understand it’s the opposite. Self-care allows us to show up as our best selves, not just for us but for others too. This might look like taking a moment to breathe, journaling, or simply giving yourself permission to rest. During the holidays, self-care is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity.
Your SELF-YES Starts Now
Breaking free from the people-pleasing cycle is a journey, not a destination. It takes practice, self-compassion, and a willingness to show up for yourself. Every time you say YES to what truly matters to you, you reclaim a little more of your power.
So today, I challenge you to take one small step. Maybe it’s setting a boundary, journaling about what’s on your heart, or simply pausing to ask yourself, “What do I need right now?”
You are worthy of your own love, your own time, and your own YES. My hope is that you experience true JOY throughout this holiday season. Take time to breathe, be present in the moment, and be open to receiving just as much as you are giving.
Start the New Year with a YES to Yourself
As the holiday season winds down and the new year approaches, there’s no better time to invest in yourself. This January, I’ll be leading the Write Your Way to Self-YES journaling adventure—a guided experience designed to help you reconnect with your authentic truth, set empowering boundaries, and start the year with clarity and intention.
Journaling has been one of the most transformative tools in my own journey. It gave me a safe space to reflect on where I’d lost myself, to explore what I truly wanted, and to find the courage to start saying YES to me. I can’t wait to guide you through this powerful process. Together, we’ll uncover the real you—the one who’s ready to step fully into her power.
Ready to say YES to yourself?
Sign up now at selflesstoselfyes.com and start 2025 with clarity, empowerment, and self-love.
Let this be the year you start saying YES to your growth, your peace, and your joy.
Are you ready to begin? Let’s do this together. 💛
