Stop Waiting for Permission: The Quiet Ways We Abandon Ourselves — and How to Come Home Again
Have you ever heard yourself say yes when every part of you was screaming no?
Or stayed quiet when you wanted to speak up, because you didn’t want to rock the boat?
I know I have — more times than I can count.
Sometimes, self-abandonment isn’t a dramatic, life-altering event.
It’s subtle. Quiet. Almost invisible in the moment. But over time, these moments stack up, and before we know it, we’re living a life that feels just a little… off.
And here’s the thing: self-abandonment and waiting for permission often go hand in hand.
The Subtle Ways We Abandon Ourselves
Self-abandonment shows up in the smallest, everyday decisions.
It’s when:
You agree to help with something even though you’re already exhausted.
You ignore your gut because it feels inconvenient.
You water yourself down in a conversation so you don’t make someone uncomfortable.
You downplay your accomplishments so you won’t be “too much.”
None of these seem like a big deal in the moment. But collectively? They chip away at your confidence, your joy, and your ability to trust yourself.
The Permission Problem
So why do we do it?
Often, it’s because we’re unconsciously waiting for someone else to tell us it’s okay — okay to want what we want, okay to take the leap, okay to speak our truth.
It looks like:
Holding back on a dream until your partner, family, or friends approve.
Waiting until you feel “ready” or “qualified” (spoiler: that feeling never magically arrives).
Staying in a job that drains you because you’re afraid of disappointing someone.
It’s almost like we need a permission slip from the world before we take the next step. But here’s the truth — no one else can give you that. You have to give it to yourself.
The Real Cost
When we abandon ourselves and wait for permission, we pay a price:
Emotionally: We feel resentful, invisible, and disconnected from our true selves.
Practically: We miss opportunities and stay stuck in the same cycles year after year.
Physically: Our bodies hold the stress — in tension, fatigue, even burnout.
And perhaps the biggest cost of all? We stop trusting ourselves.
The Turning Point
For me, the shift came the moment I realized that every time I silenced my own voice to make someone else comfortable, I was teaching myself that their needs mattered more than mine.
It wasn’t about swinging to the other extreme and never considering others — it was about coming back to myself.
Asking, What do I actually want here? and letting that answer guide me.
How to Come Home to Yourself
If you’ve been stuck in the cycle of self-abandonment and waiting for permission, here are a few steps to start reclaiming yourself:
Notice the Micro-Moments
Pay attention to when your body tightens or your gut says no but your mouth says yes. Awareness is the first step.Check In with Your Inner Yes/No
Pause and ask: If no one had an opinion about this, what would I choose?Give Yourself the Green Light
Take one action this week without asking for input or validation from anyone else.Affirm Your Self-Worth
Try this journaling prompt: Where am I already enough, exactly as I am?Practice Saying No with Grace
Use simple, loving phrases like:“That doesn’t work for me right now.”
“I appreciate you thinking of me, but I can’t commit.”
From Selfless to Self-YES
Every time you stop waiting for permission and choose yourself, you’re taking one more step from Selfless to Self-YES.
This isn’t selfish — it’s self-honoring.
And the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.
So here’s my invitation to you:
What’s one area of your life where you’ve been waiting for permission? Share it in the comments or write it down for yourself — and then take one small step toward it this week.
